Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
