I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
well you can't waste a boner
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
