i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
