I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
