I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
