No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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