i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
