Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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