So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
