Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
