she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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