defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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