bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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