I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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