Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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