I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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