No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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