Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
