That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just invented taco cereal.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
