Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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