i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
