I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
