they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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