I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
