I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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