Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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