Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
