you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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