she smelled like a LAN party
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
