When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
