My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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