Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
