If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
