Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
