I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.