OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.