Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
