She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.