there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.