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• (619): View more from California

  well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

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• (845): View more from New York

  i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (957): View more from

  I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see

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• (716): View more from New York

  i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.

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