He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods