Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  From behind she looks like Richard Simmons

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  (608): From behind she looks like Richard Simmons http://tfl.nu/z6dn
  Replies (7) Good night (649) Bad night (3332)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom

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  (574): Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom http://tfl.nu/tatf
  Replies (32) Good night (805) Bad night (3693)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

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  (512): I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different. http://tfl.nu/tob0
  Replies (11) Good night (4971) Bad night (1520)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

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  (703): The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up. http://tfl.nu/ttp7
  Replies (14) Good night (5830) Bad night (1900)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.

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  (501): There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at. http://tfl.nu/jo9n
  Replies (5) Good night (2259) Bad night (694)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.

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  (580): I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing. http://tfl.nu/utec
  Replies (26) Good night (2055) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit

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  (720): I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit http://tfl.nu/p0py
  Replies (5) Good night (673) Bad night (1028)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.

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  (607): I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know. http://tfl.nu/l46m
  Replies (3) Good night (1138) Bad night (622)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one

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  (720): After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one http://tfl.nu/ewhm
  Replies (4) Good night (550) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!

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  (937): The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable. (1-937): That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil! http://tfl.nu/f2da
  Replies (5) Good night (423) Bad night (799)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.

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  (304): And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/3w59
  Replies (3) Good night (579) Bad night (304)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....

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  (601): I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now.... http://tfl.nu/8e5z
  Replies (4) Good night (853) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.

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  (931): I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help. http://tfl.nu/1bsh
  Replies (1) Good night (389) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb

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  (775): Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb http://tfl.nu/8yg9
  Replies (4) Good night (895) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I need to sanitize my soul.

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  (585): I need to sanitize my soul. http://tfl.nu/5mud
  Replies (3) Good night (439) Bad night (191)

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