bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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