I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
