Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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