i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
