Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think my moral compass just broke
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
