He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
