I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
