Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
