I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
