i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
