He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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