I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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