in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
