So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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