what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
