i don't like sucking hair
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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