Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
