i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
