is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
