addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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