Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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