I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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