well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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