So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am available for nakedness
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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