i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
