The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
