I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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